I missed exchange class...;((

As title says, today I missed the exchange class with JLP students… I have been looking forward to it since winter term had started… It is impossible for me to write about the class, but not writing anything is not fair for my section mates, so instead of that, I will write about yesterday’s chamber music concert which made me miss the class.

Yesterday, I had performed as violist for chamber music concert at Kodaira. It was first chamber music concert for CMS, and also it was my first time to play viola solo for me. For the concert, I had been practiced for long time, harder than other people and asked my senior and piano accompanist a lot of things related to my music because I wanted to be as better as I could be. Also I did not want to make excuse like “my performance is not good because I am beginner of viola”.

Though I practiced so hard, actually my performance was failed. If the concert went well, I think I was not so much exhausted as I was today. At the stage, in front of a lot of people, my arms were shaking and my bowing (the movement to make sound from viola) became extremely unstable. It was shocking that I felt my body and mind were segregated. I was so calm at the time in my mind and recalled what I had practiced; however, my body did not follow it at all. It was so scary for me because I had never felt that way before. I used to be a jazz saxophone player and I was used to stages because I had been there for many times. Even there were time that I felt nervous; I had never felt my mind and body were separated.After my performance, many people told me I did well, but I regret and irritated so much about my performance and could not be satisfied at all,and cried a lot ;(

It was not really good performance; however, I learnt important thing related to viola―orchestra conceals everything. In an orchestra, there is a little need to think about my own timbre because the sounds that others make conceal most of my mistakes or poor timbre. In contrast, solo or ensemble does not hide any mistakes. At the stage, there was no one who helped me to hide my mistakes. It is scary thing for player; however, I realize that facing that sort of situation is good practice. If I practice to be a good solo player, it also enables me to contribute to the orchestra with good sound. If players do not play as an individual, they cannot be better because they cannot realize their real timbre and do not try to improve it. It looks like very ordinal idea, but in orchestra, it is really hard to realize since there are someone who play with great sound and makes other players arrogant.

 

Though my performance was not good, I think it was worth performing because I could fully realize the fundamental idea. There will be a next time to perform as a solo, so that I want to try more hard and want to be a better violist and attend class next day.